Sometimes Life Sucks

I am writing in response to a phone call I received this afternoon. A friend of the family had a grand-baby yesterday. Unfortunately the baby wasn't due until July. Mom was having some problems and went to the hospital and the doctor immediately came and checked on them. He ordered an emergency c-section and then had the baby care-flighted to the closest children's hospital. The doctor came out and asked the family if they believed in God or prayer, and said that they should because there was no other reason for the baby to have made it yesterday. Everyone rejoiced.

Today, the baby didn't make it. Brain activity had ceased and the mom was on her way to the hospital to hold her little one before they removed the breathing tubes. What an awful drive to the hospital for these brand new parents to embrace a child they will never get to watch grow up. Sometimes life sucks.

Even as I type this post, my fingers are punching the keys and I guess it might just be my way of punching my fists in the air. What happened to God wanting that baby to make it, like the doctor said? If we gave him the praise yesterday, what are we to do today? I don't even know the couple who are grieving like they never thought possible tonight. I barely know the grandmother who is wounded deeply in places that can hardly be discussed. I do know the God that was not distant from them on Monday when all was good, or yesterday when things were stormy, or today when all seems lost. The God I love does not leave or forsake us when things go badly...very badly. He knows more to the story than I can ever see, and His intention for us is never to harm us, but to protect us.

I know the "right" answers, but they seem so inadequate right now. I know that Papa wants to love this young couple through these difficult days, and I know He is big enough to absorb their fists and their fury tonight...and tomorrow. Sometimes life sucks, but our God is a life-giving Papa and He still offers to breathe life into dead places. Oh God, bring life and hope and healing to this family. Oh God...

Saying Goodbye Is Never Easy

This week has been a tough week for me and my family. Sunday, I got the call from my mom that I'd been expecting. My 88 year old grandmother passed away at the nursing home. My mom could hardly speak and while I knew it was a good thing for my grandmother, it still shot a pain through my heart as well. Later that day, she asked me if I thought I could do the service. I told her I could and would. My grandmother had not been back to her hometown in 7 years and no preacher or official would have been able to do her justice.

Monday and Tuesday were days spent aimlessly wandering through work and making plans to leave. All the while, I was sorting through my memory bank for things that would be uplifting and honoring to my grandmother. Most of you who read this don't know my grandmother, and probably didn't even know about her death. I lived in their town one summer while working with a church youth group, and she would always comment on my attire when I'd see her. "You're going to wear that?" Now I'm not crazy in my dress code, but for my grandmother, jeans, t-shirts or shorts were never to be worn at church. Because of this, I had to find a suit to wear. After making trips to the stores where I thought I could get a "deal," I discovered that this short, chunky body is not built for off-the-rack suits. I ended up purchasing two suits (BOGO). They cuffed the legs and took in the waist and made the suit fit just right for me. If she'd have seen me, she would have said, "It's about time you dressed like a preacher!"

This was my first trip back to McAllen since my grandfather had died 7 years ago. I really miss him, too

. He and I used to talk baseball and golf. I kept thinking how much he would have enjoyed his great-grandson. Graysen was a crazy 2 year old on this trip. He kept wanting to climb up on the casket and when he blew his Nana a kiss and said good-bye I lost it...again. Everyone there said he looked just like I did when I was his age. I smile inside when I hear that. Garin caught a great picture of Graysen sitting on my grandfather's tombstone.

Saying good-bye is never easy - no matter if the one you are parting with is still forming in mom's womb, a young parent with kids, or a grandparent of 88 years old. I thank God for pain in these cases, because if I didn't feel

the pain, I'd not have felt the love. I'm hearing Garth Brooks in the back of my mind right now. For those who love deeply, saying good-bye really sucks. As much as I hate standing up in front of people and crying my way through a funeral message, I wouldn't want to trade my tears for anything. Yeah, it's a little embarrassing, but in the end, if she hadn't meant so much to me, then I could make through without any tears.

Now we move forward. The sweet memories fill my mind today and will undoubtedly be further and further apart as the years go by, but I will never forget the fun we shared and the changes I saw in my grandmother over the years. God was doing something in her...I can't wait to hear what it all was. See you later, Nana.